Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I Must Be Having a Mid-Life Crisis!

I think I've done gone and lost my mind! Yesterday I went to lunch with my sister Kim and we ran in to the mall for just a quick moment. There was a huge sale sign looming outside of Victoria's Secret that had our name on it! I hate Victoria's Secret! I don't recall ever in my fifty year old brain, having even ever been in Victoria's Secret, ever in my life! Anything I have ever smelled from there is so strong I get an instantaneous humongous over-whelming headache that practically drops me to my knees! What possessed me to even enter that store is beyond my comprehension!
I can not dare tell Marlboro Man that I bought all this stuff! He would never understand the weakness of a woman, or the loss of power that women encounter at certain times of the month, or any reason to spend hard earned money on 26 bottles of stuff that stinks! Now I must use all this stuff secretly and let him wonder why I smell like a Victoria Woman! Or I can tell him that I went Christmas shopping! He might buy that! But I doubt it! He's pretty sharp most of the time! Did you catch that: Most of the time! But being a man, he can not figure out what makes a woman tick or what makes them lose their minds periodically!
I called my daughter Juli and told her that I caught a great sale at Victoria's Secret ... and she said, "oh wow Mom, that's great! The lingerie side?" Can you say SEX on the brain ... she's twenty-five and deliriously in love! Definitely not the lingerie side! I'm chubby ... I wouldn't buy underwear from there for skinny girls!

NO JULI .... the lotion and perfume side! I had a brain fart! I had a meltdown of brain cells! I've lost my marbles! I'm doomed! I'm broke! I have 26 bottles of stuff that stinks, 6 lip glosses, 7 bottles of Very Sexy for Men (what was I thinking? Marlboro Man doesn't use that stuff!) a bottle of lotion called Yearn and a Yearn perfume, 1 tub of Peach Blossom Sand and Sea Body Polish, 4 pink bottles of Richly Deserved Intensive Body Hydrator (richly deserved my butt!) 4 white bottles of Simply Bare Moisturizing Body Cleanser, 6 bottles of Clean Streak (it smelled good) Moisturizing Body Exfoliator, and 4 beautiful clear bottles of SO IN LOVE Body Wash. I also bought a purse that had three bottles of Love Spell in it! I must have been under a spell! All I can say is that my sister spent 136.00 and our bags were equal in size! I will not be going to lunch with Kim for a long long time! Did I mention that everything I bought was 75 percent off the original price?

The only thing I can think of is Victoria saw me coming! She subliminally called out to me and made me read the fine print on all the bottles and jars in the store! I read words such as: desire, angelic, davine, love, all-over glow, radiance, starry, enchant, ethereal, kissed with gold dust, heavenly complexion, silky romantic, etc... Or else, I've completely lost my mind!

One thing I do know for sure beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will smell good when Marlboro Man puts me in "THE NUT HUT" when he finds out!

Be Blessed,