As I sit here and think about what I want to write to you tonight, I hear the song, 'Ordinary Miracle' playing in the background. It so describes exactly how my heart feels about you, and says every thing about how you've changed my life. You are miracles, and I'm still in awe at what I accomplished when I gave birth to you.
Just the fact that I, at my age, could birth you ... all three of you, together, and successfully, still astounds me. I sometimes ask, "Why me Lord? Why Me?" ... but I already know that answer. Because I was chosen. Because it was meant to be. For as long as forever is ... I will always be your Mother.
When my life was dark from the pain of losing little ones before you, you came. You were born, ... and the light that you brought into my life was spectacular and beautiful, and it only gets brighter as each day passes.
I love you. No more than other Mother's love their children, and no more than I love your older brothers and your sister ... but just as much, and that is enough. You fill my heart completely.
I watch over you in awe and amazement at the little things you do, and I listen in wonder at the things you say to me, and to each other, and I catch my breath when I watch the love you have for each other. Yes, I tell you this often ... but it's so important. Love is probably the most important thing you'll ever have in your entire life ... and for me to visibly see it, when you're only three years old, tells me that I'm doing something right.
Then there are the days that you exasperate me. But I never falter in my love for you ... not even the days that you run from me and you laugh as I chase you, and you go three different directions. Like this evening, over at the farm. You divided so equally, at the same time, and the giggles that came from you rose up, and chimed like bells. It was simply beautiful. Just like a fairy tale.
But this evening didn't end like a fairy tale. No, it ended rather unhappily for you and me. Mainly for me, because tonight was one of those nights that I came down out of my castle in the sky and reality shook me to my core. The reality that there are three of you and only one of me, and that you are three years old, in a world bigger than you. In a world that you are still exploring, and to you, all things are miracles. Ordinary miracles in your eyes.
In that moment, you had fun. In that moment, it was exhilarating for you ... until you stomped in the wet cow poop and covered each other's legs with goo! Then the reality of "real life" reared it's head and my fairy tale moment disappeared! But not once, did I falter in my love for you ...
Wednesday, May 28, 2008