Two days ago you started preschool. "Real" preschool. You think you are in Kindergarten and you are taking it so seriously. You would think that your entire whole world just up and changed with Monday morning, when in fact, it was the same as Friday ... except you had to be there so much earlier and the structure has returned.
I had such a plan for Monday morning, and all your school clothes laid out and ready, and Sam, you changed all that in the span of a heartbeat. Long pants you said, and you didn't like my choice of the shirt I had picked out for you to wear. Then Jay followed suit and between you, you chose what you would wear that first day of preschool. Play clothes, and you would both wear the same thing.
I still have the mind frame to dress you the same and coordinate your clothes with Meg ... and that isn't happening as much these days. Independence is shining through, and you all want to do it your way instead of my way. My heart tightens just a little with every step that you take away from me. It's the way it's supposed to be .... you grow up, and I have to let you go.
I felt like you took a big step Monday morning when you walked through those doors. It was another milestone in your life. One that will lead you down the path of growing up.
On the other hand, as much I want to keep you little and with me ... I want you to flourish, and to grow and to move on. I want you always come back home and think back to these days and know how much I love you.
I thank God at least a thousand times a day for the three of you. Even in the moments of confusion and chaos, I thank him for giving me this chance to raise these perfect and beautiful yous.
Monday evening I ask you what you learned at school today ... and you all said, "Nothing. We just colored and we played." Your world didn't change at all that day ... only mine did.
Surely, all Mothers love their children as much as I love you.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008