Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Swim Lessons

Yesterday evening marked the first day of SWIM Lessons! Yes, my babies are now little kids and they are definitely big enough to venture out into the world and socialize with a bunch of other little squirts. In a pool. With strangers. Yep .. that's how it works. Every Monday and Wednesday from now on ... I'll be throwing them in the pool and walking away to sit with all the other Mom's who are feverishly watching through the big plate glass window.

Let's just say it all started off with a bang. They were so excited they danced around me as we walked into the high school to find the pool. They willingly put on their swim suits. Of course the boys wouldn't take off their underwear ... and in the end, that was the downfall.

After I guided (dragged) them through the crowd to the pool, they noticed that I was not wearing a swimsuit and they immediately knew that I was not getting into the pool with them. They clung to me like monkeys in a tree and I peeled them off me like an over ripe Banana ... six legs and six arms at a time, and handed them to a total stranger.

I could feel every eye on me in the place ... and I knew it would be this way, and I was prepared. I made sure I had every hair in place and my makeup was just perfect and I hid my frazzled look well!

Amazingly, they did well. Of course they clung to their stranger for dear life in the water ... and once I even saw them smile as they dog paddled around for the spongy balls that floated near.

THEN ... as quick as it started, it was over and I towel dried my babies and told them how wonderful they were and how proud I was of them. We headed to the restroom (where 20 other wet kids were) to get dressed and go home ... and the realization hit Jay that his underwear were wet and I didn't have a dry pair with me.

It didn't matter that he stood there naked in front of his peers. It didn't matter that all eyes were upon me and total silence overcame the room. It didn't matter. He needed dry underwear. He wasn't rationale. He wasn't coherent. He was in total oblivion to his surroundings, and he fought me tooth and nail while trying to put his pants on. Even when another Mother handed me her son's gently worn underwear ... for they were dry and that was our problem. It didn't matter ... because they weren't weren't like his, and he was beyond anything that I could do at that moment to make it better.

So I did the only thing I could do while trying to herd a set of three out of there. I wrapped a towel around his naked bottom and hoisted him up and walked towards the door with the other two dragging our belongings behind them. Yes, they all starred at me as I sat him down at the door and walked through. Yes, their mouths fell open when I plopped him on his bare bottom and walked out.

I'm sure we were a sight as we searched for my car in the parking lot ... three kids in tow .. and one was barefoot and naked from the waist down. But we were on a mission ... and again, they followed me and danced around my legs ... only this time, it wasn't as pretty and they weren't as happy, and I didn't care ... because we were homeward bound.

Yes, I'll go back Wednesday and we'll do this all over again ... only this time I will have a trunk full of Scooby-Doo underwear all warm and ready. Yes, my kids will learn to swim this summer ... and yes, I'm sure that I will take the word Dignity to new heights ....

Monday, March 30, 2009

Amy's Journey to Heaven

Amy ask me the other night on the phone, "How can I prepare to die? ... How can I make sure Luke and Carter will remember me? ... How?"

I told her that they will know her ... always. Through those that love her ... we will make sure they know their Mother. I love Amy and I will do everything possible to honor her. She's not a daughter of my flesh ... but a daughter of my heart. Josh and Amy were never married, but were together for almost nine years. They have two little boys together, and even though she and Josh are no longer together ... Amy is a part of my family and a part of my heart.

Now I have to help find a way. I've thought about this constantly since Amy called me late Thursday night. We talked for a long time about how unfair life is ... and how she is only 26 years old, and how much she wants the boys to always remember her. She is broken and helpless and still yet unable to acknowledge. I still yet can not accept. I pray for devine healing of Amy's body and salvation for her soul, and I wrap my arms around my babies a little tighter each day ... for I know that time can be limited and life is so precious.

After speaking to Amy and her Mother, I've decided to start a blog ... "Amy's Journey to Heaven" and when God decides to take Amy from this Earth, we will print it for her little boys and they will read the letters she wrote to them ... and they will have the letters that we wrote to Amy ... and they will always know her. We're making each of the boys a treasure chest for Amy to fill. How can you build a foundation for their life in a few short months? We'll find a way.

We have a plan. They'll hear her voice ... they'll listen to her prayers and they'll see her in their hearts. They'll see her pictures and they'll read her words and they'll have the legacy she left behind for them. Her Love.

For those of you that are praying for Amy ... Thank You!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Prayers for Amy

This is my oldest.  Josh just turned twenty-eight years old three days ago.  This year is going to be the hardest year he's ever faced ... and my heart aches for him and his family.  My heart aches for me, his children .... and especially for Amy.  I feel so helpless.  I've prayed countless prayers and cried countless tears  ... and I can't fix their future.  It's my job as a Mother to heal the heartache of my children ... and this one is beyond me.  I feel like I've been kicked in the heart and I still yet can't wrap my mind around the future.

They look so happy and so healthy ... Last week Amy was diagnosed with cancer.  She just turned twenty-six and is too young to have cancer.  She is too young to leave her children behind.  My son is too young to raise two little boys without a Mother in their life.  This isn't fair ... and it hurts my heart.

Amy was diagnosed with Stage IV Colorectal cancer that has spread to her Liver.  It's also in her Lymph nodes and she's very sick.  In the morning she will be having a PET scan to see if she has cancer elsewhere in her body.  She is facing a major surgery and then the battle of Chemo.  She has a long road ahead of her in this fight for her life, but she's determined to fight with everything she has in her.

My heart aches for what is lost and what is to become.  Josh and Amy separated several months ago and no longer live together.  As I took these pictures yesterday afternoon, I saw a family that still loves each other.  So much had happened and so much is gone ... but they're close enough that they can plan their children's future and close enough that they can now talk and be the good parents that they both are.  
My heart wants them back together.  My head wants what is best for Amy.  She needs more than Josh can provide right now ... but she also needs her family together.  Her family.  Her children .. and the only person that she has ever loved.  Even thru the downfall and the bad times, the love they have for each other right now is very strong ... and if their time is limited, my heart wants them together.  My head just won't let my heart voice that.  If only I could move time backwards ...
My heart especially hurts for my Grandchildren.  Two little boys that might not have a Mother to hold them when they need a special hug.  Two little boys that will always need her.
Amy's cancer is FAP.  Luke and Carter have a 50/50 chance of carrying the same gene ... and if they carry the gene for FAP they will have to be tested starting in their childhood. 
Please say prayers for Amy ... not only for divine healing, but for Luke and Carter ... and Josh.  His heart is aching too, and I can't fix this.  I know that Amy is in God's hands, and I know she will be healed ... whether it's here on Earth or in Heaven.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Sick Kid

Just a picture of a cute kid .... one that is sick.  Sick with the stomach flu that caused him to stay home with his Dad today while Jay and Meg went to preschool and daycare and I went to work. 

He farmed today ... and the highlight of his day was playing on the fence by the cow lot.  He learned a lot today as well.  He learned that when you're the only one .... you're special.

He strutted and bragged all evening ... and it wasn't pretty to the ones that got left out today!

Sometimes it's nice to be sick all by yourself!