Monday, December 24, 2007

Coming Home for Christmas

My older kids were here for Christmas Eve .... and it hit me like a ton a bricks when we sat down to dinner that this was the first time ever, that we weren't all together for Christmas. One of us was missing. Jared couldn't come home from Mississippi because he had to work

As we sat around the table chatting and telling stories, the kids talked about missing Jared, so we called him. We put him on speaker phone and the very second I heard his voice ... I started to cry. So did Juli. It's as if our minds were in the same place, and we missed him. I think when our eyes met, we both realized that this was a first for us.

We're very close, my kids and me. My heart actually ached from missing Jared today. My every thought was thinking about him and his brothers and his sisters not being together, and I was teary eyed several times today. A part of us was missing, and it wasn't the same.

When I think about having seven kids .... it's not like I had seven kids in a row. It's like I have two sets of kids. An older set and a younger set, and the two are completely different. Completely different families, and the two are not one. They never will be, and that makes me feel as if I live in two different worlds. I think that's why I fiercely struggle to maintain my family unit. My older kids and me. A bond to not be broken. Life is different when you come from divorced parents, and life goes on. And it did.

Jared and Elissa will be coming home Wednesday night, a day after Christmas and we will be together Friday night. I can't wait to see his smiling face.

Then, in my self pity, I had long lingering thoughts for those Mother's whose children won't ever be coming home ... and my heart ached. I can't imagine the emptiness and the ache in their hearts, and how the days, and particularly the holidays, are forever changed. The pain must be unbearable, but it must be endured.

I am particularly drawn to someone I don't know personally, who lost a beautiful daughter a little over a year ago. Today I prayed for her to be uplifted, and know that her daughter is in heaven, and that her broken heart finds a way to love her in her absence, and not in pain from the emptiness. As I read her blog, I find that I admire her for her strength, but know that she has experienced the worst pain a Mother can have, and that saddens me. She has lost a child to death, and that child, her daughter, left behind her own children.

I am asking those that read here, that when you're celebrating Christmas with your families tomorrow, please pray for those Mother's that have a piece of their heart missing, ... and pray for my blog friend Vonda, and her Wee Ones, and her angel daughter Kyla that won't be coming home for Christmas.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, and one that is safe. Be Thankful. Share. ... and Love each other.

Be Blessed Everyone.