Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Milk Man and Me

Early this morning Marlboro Man, aka The Milk Man, called me and ask if he could use my new washer and dryer. Like it's not his too! I just had to ask a million questions as to "why, why, why, why, why, why."

It appeared that the storm last night downed a big Rain Tree by the milk house and pulled the electric line right out of the house where his washer and dryer is. You see, he hand washes his ladies teats, all four of them, with soft white wash cloths twice a day. What a Man!

SO ..... he brings the buckets of wash cloths home, and puts them in my new washing machine. The one that whirs and vibrates remember???? The one that scares me. I had the cycle all figured out for him and he told me to put the bleach in the rinse cycle. "NO can do" I say. Bleach goes in the wash cycle! I earned a few rolled eyeballs which caused me to ask, "why, why, why?"

The man proceeds to tell ME ... a woman who has lactated FIVE times in her life, with the last time being for triplets ... all about milking!

The smirk on my face didn't phase him at all. He just kept talking. I heard about how he wets the washcloth and cleans their teats, then their udder ... how he sanitizes each one, and THEN how he expresses each teat to to evaluate the milk. So I had to interrupt him and ask, "why, why, why?"

That man looked at me as if I was dumbest thing breathing air .... "WWHHYYY?" he says. "To see if it's good" he said.

"Oh yeah, right! .... you mean you can tell by looking at what you squirt on a concrete floor, to see if the milk is good?!!" "What are you looking for .... Cottage Cheese?" I ask. By now, I'm getting a tad bit interested in his theory, being that I too have lactated in my lifetime, and he has not.

Then he goes on to tell me that the milk in the canal (yes, he called it a canal) is stagnant and the end of the teat is a portal of entry for bacteria.

I cut him off before he could speak another word ... and said, "well yeah, they don't do that to us women."

Then he crossed his eyes, stuck out his tongue and said, "well yeah, you didn't lay covered in cow S#*T all day now did cha?"

Boy, did he just blow it! For a moment there I was thinking he was like a Scientist or Cow Genius, or something, until he stuck his tongue out at me and crossed his eyes!

Even though he's been milking cows for forty years, I still think I know more about breasteses, teats and lactating than he does, no matter how many cows he milks a day!

What do you think?????

Be Blessed Everyone.