Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dear Meg - "Can I Smell your Butt?"

Dear Meg,

Today you're four and all wrapped up in meanness as you grow into this world. This letter to you is for when you're forty-four, have children or possibly grandchildren ... and when you think there is no way that they can embarrass you ... I want them to have read this and give it their best shot!

Today, we were at Best Buy. We had to pay for appliances ... and you can't just do that in the Refrigerator, Stove and Freezer department. No, we had to get the prices, the paperwork ... and go to customer service.

For thirty minutes, we had to go to customer service. In the line that everyone else in the store was in ... the one where at least sixty-seven people stood with their paperwork in hand and not happy to be there.

Did we know that it would take that long? No. Did we know that you three would get bored and show your butt? Yes. But we were in the middle of the line with half the people in front of us ... and the disgruntled half behind us.

For entertainment, the three of you climbed up and laid down side by side on a stack of "guitar heroes" ... and you pretended to go to sleep and you pretended snoring ... and yes, it was kind of cute in a kid sort of way. Then suddenly you began to fight ... and Jay rolled you off onto the floor and you got up and shoved him and we had to separate you. THEN, you did it.

When you had everyone's attention that stood in that line, you said, "Ewwww Mom ... did you fart? Can I smell your butt?" ...... and I wanted to choke you and rip your tongue out of your mouth and put it in my pocket until we left the store. ... and not only did you say it, you did it. You sniffed and snorted and gagged and choked and danced circles around me while I was trying to get your attention to shut you up.

... and yes sister, you got your brothers attention as well ... and yes, you got them to join in, and I wanted to drag the three of you across the floor and out the door through the snowy parking lot and throw you in the van. Did I? No ... and only because we were going to be next in line.

So Meg ... down the road when I'm long gone from this earth, I'll be watching over you from Heaven and I'll be sending vibes to your children or grandchildren, and I hope they do the same thing to you. Even though you'll not remember doing this as a kid ... you will someday read these words, and I'm sure you'll laugh and get the biggest kick out of it ... probably as much as you did today!

Afterall, this is why I blog ... kind of like a time capsule ... only it's not buried, it's here, and it's real ... your real life!