Saturday, February 7, 2009

Reporting Live .... Trouble on the Farm

I'm here on the spot .... watching out the window as "three" police cars pulled in and arrested the stranger man that rang my doorbell almost an hour ago.

It's very scary to have a man at three o'clock in morning knock on your doors and circle your house in the wee hours on a very cold night.

So I did what any crazy woman in my shoes would do ... I talked to him through the window and told him that I was not going to let him in, but I would call someone for him and did he want me to throw a blanket out the back door while he waited on help to arrive. (Oh sure Tanya ... open the back door instead ... you idiot)

I pretended to call the number that he gave me and instead called 911. They had me talking to him through the window asking him questions. He ran off the road ... in a ditch ... lost his phone ... doesn't know where he is ... no, he's not hurt ... yes, he's oriented ...don't let him know you're talking to the police .... then, am I okay? Am I scared? (No, because Marlboro Man is leaning on the kitchen counter all smugged up drinking hot tea waiting to protect me while my heart is palpitating like crazy.)

I talked the guy into sitting on my porch to wait for "his friend" ... then I paced and fretted, then I got to thinking ... I live out here in the middle of nowhere and it has already been 40 minutes since that 911 call was made and NO ONE has arrived to get the man off my porch. Then the police call me back, and tell me that the road is closed to get to me and they have to go around. (Duh ... the road is closed. The road isn't even there anymore because the county sold us out to the coal mine. The road is now a football field deep coal mine with cranes and big trucks driving in it)

Dispatch wanted to be on the phone with me when the police arrived and wanted me to know that he would be arrested and to make sure that my doors were locked. They couldn't tell me why ... only that it involved an incident from a couple of hours ago. (Sure ... go right ahead and scare me to death now .. okay?!)

So the moment arrived and three police cars pull into my driveway, and the man jumps up and heads towards the gate. My heart is melting and I'm waiting for gunfire or something ... and the higher order of the farm is nonchalantly holding his tea in his hand while he watches out the window. Then when the man in the red jacket and torn up jeans is securely surrounded by police officers ... Marlboro Man ventures out. (in his jogging pants, cow boots and a old jacket that has a "Semen" logo on it from a "Sperm Rep" that leaves the good Bull "Stuff" here for when MM impregnates his cows the hard way). Real Cute. (bet you never even thought of a man driving around selling cow sperm now did you?)

Long story short ... the guy and a few of his buddies attempted stealing Anhydrous from the Co-Op a few hours ago, was on foot and got lost out here in God's country. He stumbled his way here to Green Acres, and was so cold he willingly he sat it out on my porch until the police arrived! Nice. What was he thinking ... "oh yeah .. let's go steal some drug makings in the aftermath of the nations worst ice storm ... in the middle of the night." We've got some real smart people here in my neck of the woods!

Yeah ... it was a drug bust gone bad ... just another Meth Lab in the making that didn't make it, and the poor man had to sit out in the cold without a blanket ... and I didn't even get to offer him any hot chocolate (nor did MM share his hot tea). Now I'm going back to bed to catch a few hours sleep before my brood wakes up for the day. It's going to be a long long day. I'm sleepy, my trust has been violated and I'm uneasy now.

BUT ... Houston we still have a problem! That 911 call was made a tad bit over 50 minutes ago, and what IF the guy had been armed and breaking my windows?! Yes, I live out in BFE ... but can my tax dollars go the closest jurisdiction? Like the one that is only five minutes away?!

I think my tax dollars went for gasoline tonight when all three officers got lost trying to find me ... and by the way, didn't we just install a million dollar 911 system in our county just a year ago .. one that would enable you to find me in an emergency? The one that changed my nice simple address to a string of numbers that resemble a road sign. That one. It might have worked if you hadn't sold us out to the coal mine and the roads were still there.

Over and out ...