Monday, March 23, 2009

Prayers for Amy

This is my oldest.  Josh just turned twenty-eight years old three days ago.  This year is going to be the hardest year he's ever faced ... and my heart aches for him and his family.  My heart aches for me, his children .... and especially for Amy.  I feel so helpless.  I've prayed countless prayers and cried countless tears  ... and I can't fix their future.  It's my job as a Mother to heal the heartache of my children ... and this one is beyond me.  I feel like I've been kicked in the heart and I still yet can't wrap my mind around the future.

They look so happy and so healthy ... Last week Amy was diagnosed with cancer.  She just turned twenty-six and is too young to have cancer.  She is too young to leave her children behind.  My son is too young to raise two little boys without a Mother in their life.  This isn't fair ... and it hurts my heart.

Amy was diagnosed with Stage IV Colorectal cancer that has spread to her Liver.  It's also in her Lymph nodes and she's very sick.  In the morning she will be having a PET scan to see if she has cancer elsewhere in her body.  She is facing a major surgery and then the battle of Chemo.  She has a long road ahead of her in this fight for her life, but she's determined to fight with everything she has in her.

My heart aches for what is lost and what is to become.  Josh and Amy separated several months ago and no longer live together.  As I took these pictures yesterday afternoon, I saw a family that still loves each other.  So much had happened and so much is gone ... but they're close enough that they can plan their children's future and close enough that they can now talk and be the good parents that they both are.  
My heart wants them back together.  My head wants what is best for Amy.  She needs more than Josh can provide right now ... but she also needs her family together.  Her family.  Her children .. and the only person that she has ever loved.  Even thru the downfall and the bad times, the love they have for each other right now is very strong ... and if their time is limited, my heart wants them together.  My head just won't let my heart voice that.  If only I could move time backwards ...
My heart especially hurts for my Grandchildren.  Two little boys that might not have a Mother to hold them when they need a special hug.  Two little boys that will always need her.
Amy's cancer is FAP.  Luke and Carter have a 50/50 chance of carrying the same gene ... and if they carry the gene for FAP they will have to be tested starting in their childhood. 
Please say prayers for Amy ... not only for divine healing, but for Luke and Carter ... and Josh.  His heart is aching too, and I can't fix this.  I know that Amy is in God's hands, and I know she will be healed ... whether it's here on Earth or in Heaven.