Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Wanted: Potty Trainer

I don't know if I can stress to you, how much I am not enjoying this potty training phase we're in. I thought I had the stamina to do it ... now I'm ready to place an ad in the Sunday paper to hire someone to potty train my trio of terror.

WANTED: a gentle soul that has the patience of a saint to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes per child (triplets), sitting on the side of the tub, staring straight a head and above all be firm that you don't get an M&M unless you poop. Must have good communication skills, such as, "do you have to poop?", "do you want a M&M?", "do you have to poop now?", "push out your poopy", "what color M&M do you want?", "poop like a big boy/girl." "poopy like daddy.", etc... Non-verbal skills are a must. Facial grimaces imitating pooping would be helping. Audible grunts and fake toots are a plus. Keep in mind, that straining causes accidents, and worker's compensation is not an option. Sleeping on the job is not acceptable, as you must guard the M&M jar. Absolutely no eating the M&M's your self, unless you pee or poop. Remember that teaching by example is often a good tool. Positive verbiage and praise are very necessary. Singing songs about poopy is a great way to get them in the mood. If they poop, praise it! You must show every one present the poop, and you must remember to not flush the poop yourself. This leads to meltdowns in the bathroom floor before wiping, which at times becomes messy, especially if more than one kid is present. Dress code is casual attire, but open toed shoes are a must. You will know when the boys have pee'd when your feet get wet. No breaks are allowed since by the time you get all three kids pottied, it is time to start over! You may potty all three at the same time, but that can be dangerous with three naked two year olds in a small bathroom. We also ask that you help keep our cost down with minimal use of toilet tissue and flushes. It will be necessary that you hide the roll of tissue to keep them from using one roll per episode of bathroom time. If interested, please call me at 800-555-1212 for starting wages and fringe benefits. (free M&M's, brown only ).

... and as always, be blessed,