Friday, May 16, 2008

Mommy Farted ... (not really)

I think kids shouldn't be allowed to be three years old. They should go from two to four and skip being three. It should be a rule! Especially when they come in three's, four's or a five-pack.

I got brave this evening. Way too brave for my own good. I met up with my sister in the city and we took the kids to a Chinese buffet. All was well there and they did fantastic. So I decided to go on to the grocery store, just me and my angels. Friday night of all nights ... and the store was packed. What possessed me?

First of all, we snagged one of those built in car/cart thingy's in the parking lot, after I had already hoisted Sam over my shoulder, kicking and screaming. He had earned the high ride for running across the parking lot because I wouldn't give him the keys. (I have a key story to tell later)

Right off the bat they turned into hellions the second we crossed the threshold of the door. Sam was still yelling because he wanted in the car, and Meg and Jay had beat him to it. We haven't learned the art of patience yet. I believe that will come a few more years down the road.

He immediately started throwing out the food that I was putting in the cart ... and people were snickering. So we did a quick change around with Meg before she knew what hit her. Bribery with hair barrettes works every time!

A few aisles later Jay was getting bored and wanted out ... so swap time again and Meg got plopped back in the car. Jay then decided to sing a little tune. Rather loudly. What started out as the A-B-C's, turned into a catchy little tune that I've never heard before.

"Mommy farted. Mom-mmy farted. Mom-mmmy farted. Mommy farted." ... and on and on and on. Jay can't sing alone without his partners, so of course Meg and Sam joined in on the little tune. The only thing I knew to do was to keep right on rolling. ... and everyone was snickering. The same people that we had passed coming into the store.

I hit every aisle in record time and had the cart loaded in less than fifteen minutes and headed to the front to check out and get the heck out of there.

As soon as they saw the candy stand at the check out counter they started grabbing and opening everything they get their hands on. I had totally lost control by then. The more I tried to take the candy the more they screamed and cried. Jay was loading his pockets with Bubble gum quicker than I could take it away, and Sam and Meg were stuffing Skittles and M&M's in their mouth.

They had opened twelve packages of candy in less than two minutes. I did not pay for any of it and kept laying the sticky packages on the counter. I did tell the checkout girl that I know it wasn't her that put the candy there by the cash register ... but I didn't want it and I wasn't paying for it. They shouldn't have put it there to start with. That is a bad marketing ploy!

Two other people came and started sacking my groceries and loading my cart ... I think they wanted me out of the store quickly. ... and guess what? Yes, everyone was still snickering, and a few were downright laughing.

I am never going alone again, until they are at least sixteen! Then I'm going to lay down in the floor and throw a fit and do my best to embarrass them!

Be Blessed Everyone.