Sunday, September 7, 2008

A Wake Up Call

1988. This was taken twenty years ago when they were 4,5,6, & 7.

Today, Josh walked into my house and I didn't know he was coming. As he walked through the door, it hit me like a ton of bricks. He's twenty-seven years old now. I'm almost fifty-two years old now.

Of course I know that .... I gave birth to him March 17, 1981, twenty-seven years ago. Then I started reflecting, and then I got overwhelmed, sweaty and exhaustion set in. Long overdue exhaustion. Twenty years overdue. The kind that sets in when you have a wake-up call that says your're old as dirt and probably nuts too! The kind that brings you to a halt and your jaw hits the floor and you become catatonic for four hours and you drool. That kind. I had it today.

Then I looked around me, and it dawned on me when I looked at The Littles ... that Josh was just their age, not quite four years old and I had three more children younger than him. One every year for almost four years. That would mean if today was like then ... I would have three more kids younger than my triplets. Yikes!

Josh wasn't quite four by the time I had Juli, Joey and Jared. But I was young and didn't know what I was doing. But I did it, and I did it good. I listen to their stories now and I know that I was a good Mother to them then ... and now too.

Then I got old and should have known what caused it, but I was in lust and was determined to do it again. I had visions of one baby, and thoughts of one or two more after that ... but never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have triplets. Three at one time.

But, I did .... and I did it good too, and I'm a good Mother to them now, and probably will be all of my life. I'll let you know in twenty more years.

The realization of my past life and the busyness of raising four stair-step kids then, hit me hard today .... and it dawned on me that those times brought me to my knees many times in my younger days, and it made me think about my life today.

Am I a crazy woman? Did I totally go and lose my mind? Am I literally insane? What was I thinking ....

I can tell you that it was busy back in the early 1980's raising four little kids ... but I can tell you that after I had my shock today and compared my life from years past ... I don't think I've changed that much as I've ventured into new motherhood again in my older and wiser years. I don't think it will be any harder than it was then. In fact, most days it seems a bit easier, and I would do it again in a heartbeat ... and then maybe some.

But maybe then .... just maybe I have a bit of Dementia and don't know it! I kid.

So what I want to know is ... what is your opinion ... you that are older, could you or would you do it again? ... and you that are younger, can you fathom a baby or babies in your late forties or early fifties?

Be Blessed everyone and leave me your comments and I'll comment back and we can discuss it. I'm just curious, and I promise I won't have a meltdown. Just kidding again! ~