Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Night Before Christmas

Bah!  I just hate it when I do something that becomes one of those "Remember when Mom did ...,

Tonight I created another one of those tales for down the road when we're all sitting around the table on Christmas telling stories on each other. 

This afternoon started out with the best of intentions.  We had a little plan to go shopping for each other and let the kids buy a gift for each other.  We were starting a tradition ... one that I thought the kids would always want to do for each other.

After a frenzied rush through Sam's Club to fill two carts to the rim, we knew better than to go to Wal-Mart .... but we did.  What were we thinking??!!  ... and to top that off, we headed straight to the toy department.  Tell me I'm crazy to take three four year olds to the toy department on Christmas Eve.  Okay ... I know I am!  ... and only once did I get my cart butted by a burly large woman trying to get down the aisle. 
I also found out that you can't open Hannah Montana lip gloss, use it, lose the lid and not pay for it.  Even if you have to stand in line for forty minutes ... and even if one of the kids was having a meltdown for losing her Hannah stuff.  I grinned and beared it ... and took it like a man.  I did my line time and did my best to keep my kids from opening all the goodies in the line, and I did my best to keep the people behind me from getting kicked with Meg's shoes during her meltdown.

Had I had enough???  Heck NO! .... it's Christmas Eve and I had some shopping to do.  So off to Kohl's we went and fingered everything in the store that wasn't tied down.  The highlight of that trip was ripping all the tags off the clothes we passed in the aisles.  When you think about three kids zipping through the clothes rack ... that's a lot of tags on the floor.  Did I let them do that intentionally?  No ... but no way could I tie their hands down with all the people staring at us. 

After a couple of hours in Kohl's I had to have a quick plan to feed these kids, and the closest place was a Chinese Buffet.  They were so hungry by then, they devoured the Chinese noodles and egg rolls like it was the best food on Earth.

Then it happened .....  I was twenty-five miles from home on Christmas Eve and I couldn't find my keys.  I had locked them in the van ... at the Chinese Buffet and I had a dead cell phone ... and three kids with no coats on, a van full of Christmas presents and a bag of drugs that I still needed to deliver for the pharmacy, and Sam had to poop ... and did I mention that it's Christmas Eve?!  Should I say the words "big time up a creek" yet?!

But they were kind to me.  They dialed the numbers for me on their phone while I called seven locksmiths.  All seven wanted holiday payment in cash .... $150.00 and I would have to wait approximately 45 mintues for them to arrive.  If I didn't have the cash ... they'd follow me to a ATM after they retrieved my keys.  On the last phone call, I struck paydirt!  He only wanted $125.00 CASH and could be there in 15 minutes.  Just enough time for Sam to poop!  

I was never so happy to see a short little man with greasy hair pulled back in a ponytail that spoke Spanish and drove a little Ford Ranger with no muffler in my life.  If he hadn't had a couple of kids and a woman in the truck ... I just might have kissed him!  After I handed him the cash ... he handed me my keys in less than one minute!  I am definitely in the wrong business!

Please don't ask why I didn't call MM to bring me the other set of keys ... because I lost them a long time ago! 

So now, we're safely home ... the kids are tucked up in their beds and Santa is going to start wrapping all those presents that he left in the garage.  The ones that were supposed to be wrapped a long time ago!