Friday, August 10, 2007

Some Thoughts about Age, Time and Life

Tonight I babysat for my daughter .... she brought her daughter and her boyfriend's two little girls out to the farm for the evening while they went out to dinner. Since we had plans to go down to my sister in law's and swim, we took the girls along.

Swimming in the dark (there was a pool light) with six little kids was rough. Four of them being two years old. I was starting to think that this isn't safe. It was very busy watching them all and we constantly had to hand off a kid to an adult. We had it covered though and they had so much fun. Total exhaustion when we got back home!

After Juli and Mark picked up Kelcie, Kami and Chelsea and our little trio was sound asleep, I just sat down. My head was spinning at how "busy" they were, and how much energy they had. Chelsea is eight and Kami is four and the other four kids were almost three. I had time to think about my future and what is in store for me.

I have the energy to keep up with my three little terrors for now. I've grown accustomed to their energy level. I've been with them from day one! They do what I want them to do .... well, most of the time anyway. Everything is at my pace.

But the day is coming that this will all change. As I age and slow down, they too will age and have the energy of a Duracell bunny. That would be three Duracell bunnies in this household. I wonder if I can keep up with them and do them justice.

I wonder how it will be for them to have a Mother that is the age of a Grandmother? I wonder if they will make cruel remarks like kids often do. I wonder how tough my skin will be. Will I have my feelings hurt and hide the tears? Or will I brush it off?

I literally have sat down in the past and calculated our age differences. I truly wrote it down once. I ran across that little piece of paper the other day. Tonight I seriously thought about it, and I was sad. I wondered if I did the right thing for them by bringing them into this world at my age, when I know they'll lose me long before they should. But I love them so much, and I tell myself that they have a great life and they are so blessed, and they are a special gift, and that God gave them to me because he wanted me to be their Mother. He gave me wonderful healthy triplets at almost 48 years old. That makes me special to him. He knows I can do it. I worry. I need to trust in him more. I need to worry less.

Here is that little piece of paper that I wrote and shed tears over:

Them and Me
Them: 0 Birth
Me: 47 Young at Heart

Them: 2 Toddlers
Me: 50 Keeping Up

Them: 8 Activities, School
Me:55 Living in a Car; Busy

Them: 13 Teenagers
Me: 60 Very Busy and Very Worried about how I can do this

Them: 16 Driving
Me: 63 Oh, So Worried

Them: 18 High School Graduation
Me: 65 Retiring

Them: 22 College Graduation
Me: 69 Health Problems ?

Them: 30 Married, Children, Career
Me: 77 Slowing Down

Them: 35 Prime of Life
Me: 82 Needing their Help, Nursing Home?

Them: 40 Bitter? Resentful? Lonely? Too busy for a ailing parent?
Me: 87 Flowers on my Grave? If I'm lucky to live this long

Them: 45 Becoming a Grandparent
Me: 92 I'll See them from Heaven

Them: 50 Living the Good Life

Them: 60 Looking towards Retirement

Them: 70 Retirement

Them: 80 Nursing Home?

Them: 90 The Circle of Life Begins Again .... the Revolution of Life

What bothers me the very most, is that I won't see these kids at 50. The age that I am now. I feel so young, and so healthy, and so full of life .... and way too young to lose my Mother. As the years creep up on me ... I think about the future more. I try hard not to compare them to my older kids ... who will have me (hopefully) well into their later years. I think about my Grand kids. They will remember me and will remember having a Grandmother. They will have memories.

The Grandparents that would have lived right down the road from these kiddo's are already gone. They missed them by just a couple of years. They missed two of the most wonderful people that God gave life to. I hope these little treasures that I'm raising will miss me when I'm gone and will look back on their life and say, "Our parents had us when they were older, but what a life they gave us. They gave us life. We are Lucky."

.... and I'll be smiling from Heaven, waiting until I see them again.

Be Blessed,