Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Swim Lessons

Yesterday evening marked the first day of SWIM Lessons! Yes, my babies are now little kids and they are definitely big enough to venture out into the world and socialize with a bunch of other little squirts. In a pool. With strangers. Yep .. that's how it works. Every Monday and Wednesday from now on ... I'll be throwing them in the pool and walking away to sit with all the other Mom's who are feverishly watching through the big plate glass window.

Let's just say it all started off with a bang. They were so excited they danced around me as we walked into the high school to find the pool. They willingly put on their swim suits. Of course the boys wouldn't take off their underwear ... and in the end, that was the downfall.

After I guided (dragged) them through the crowd to the pool, they noticed that I was not wearing a swimsuit and they immediately knew that I was not getting into the pool with them. They clung to me like monkeys in a tree and I peeled them off me like an over ripe Banana ... six legs and six arms at a time, and handed them to a total stranger.

I could feel every eye on me in the place ... and I knew it would be this way, and I was prepared. I made sure I had every hair in place and my makeup was just perfect and I hid my frazzled look well!

Amazingly, they did well. Of course they clung to their stranger for dear life in the water ... and once I even saw them smile as they dog paddled around for the spongy balls that floated near.

THEN ... as quick as it started, it was over and I towel dried my babies and told them how wonderful they were and how proud I was of them. We headed to the restroom (where 20 other wet kids were) to get dressed and go home ... and the realization hit Jay that his underwear were wet and I didn't have a dry pair with me.

It didn't matter that he stood there naked in front of his peers. It didn't matter that all eyes were upon me and total silence overcame the room. It didn't matter. He needed dry underwear. He wasn't rationale. He wasn't coherent. He was in total oblivion to his surroundings, and he fought me tooth and nail while trying to put his pants on. Even when another Mother handed me her son's gently worn underwear ... for they were dry and that was our problem. It didn't matter ... because they weren't weren't like his, and he was beyond anything that I could do at that moment to make it better.

So I did the only thing I could do while trying to herd a set of three out of there. I wrapped a towel around his naked bottom and hoisted him up and walked towards the door with the other two dragging our belongings behind them. Yes, they all starred at me as I sat him down at the door and walked through. Yes, their mouths fell open when I plopped him on his bare bottom and walked out.

I'm sure we were a sight as we searched for my car in the parking lot ... three kids in tow .. and one was barefoot and naked from the waist down. But we were on a mission ... and again, they followed me and danced around my legs ... only this time, it wasn't as pretty and they weren't as happy, and I didn't care ... because we were homeward bound.

Yes, I'll go back Wednesday and we'll do this all over again ... only this time I will have a trunk full of Scooby-Doo underwear all warm and ready. Yes, my kids will learn to swim this summer ... and yes, I'm sure that I will take the word Dignity to new heights ....